I solemnly swear to give you all of me.

Every day seems to be that little bit harder than the next. Every time I leave the house with the boys, I come home promising myself that I will never do it again and then I’m off doing it all over again the next day.

We had what I guess you could call an ‘eventful’ day today. We’re going camping this weekend (another one of those things I’ll probably regret by Monday) and I had a heap of things to do to get organised.

Our day began with a tantrum from Ollie at his swimming lesson this morning (because apparently after two years of LOVING it, he suddenly ‘doesn’t like swimming’). It was then followed by Alfie knocking a trolley over in Bunnings, tipping a bottle of water on the floor at the checkout, Ollie wetting his pants and Alfie throwing his snag (that I totally would have eaten) across an aisle and then rubbing his tomato sauce covered hands all over my shirt.

We then took our pup to the vet which as you can imagine with 2 kids and a 6mo Rottweiler, wasn’t the most enjoyable experience either. I’d be pretty safe to say that there wasn’t a single item left on the shelf after cyclone Alfie was done throwing everything in arms reach onto the floor.

And just in case all of that wasn’t enough for me to never want to leave the house again, I made another trip to pick up some more camping supplies. This time, Alfie’s level of destruction had multiplied by about 7 and I knew things were about to get bad so I decided to carry him as I quickly ran in and out (as opposed to letting him walk, as he usually demands).

Well, I guess you could say he wasn’t very impressed with that either. A few punches, pinches and scratches later (to me, not him I promise) and I was ready to put him down, evacuate the store and leave both boys there as if they weren’t mine. But obviously that didn’t happen because you know, abandoning your children is frowned upon.

So there I was holding my screaming, demonic 22 month old whilst trying to ask for assistance. I made the silly mistake of loosening my grip for a second and he ever so elegantly slid out of my hands and made a run for it. My usual angelic child Ollie thought this made for a hilarious game and decided to follow. Every person in that store would have heard my children screaming of laughter as they ran from me, aisle to aisle, for a good 5 minutes.

I don’t think I’ve heard the phrase ‘boy, do you have your hands full’ so much in such a short period of time in my parenting life. Because by that stage I don’t think there was a single person in that store that didn’t feel my pain. The exhaustion was clear on my face and I just wanted to be home.

Finally got my hands on the boys, dragged them to the checkout to make my purchase only for Alfie to go back into demonic tantrum mode ripping things out of my purse as I’m trying to pay, biting, screaming, punching. I apologised to the cashier as he looked at me sympathetically and was the 525th person that hour to say ‘it’s okay, you’ve clearly got your hands full’. I laughed politely (as I did the 524 times before) and said ‘yes, I sure do’ and then ran to my car on the brink of tears.

Days like today are becoming more and more common. I am an absolute hot mess 95% of the time and people are really starting to notice. I am exhausted and some days I hate myself for being such a cranky mumma who gets fed up and loses her patience with her kids.

I know I am so incredibly lucky to live the life I do… To be able to stay home with my boys and not have to work. I know some people would kill to be able to spend extra time with their kids yet I can’t help but resent those people who get to go to work every day and have some time to themselves.

I need to learn to be more grateful for the things I have. Two beautiful, healthy boys who although drive me insane, are my favourite part of this crazy world. Some days I complain and don’t know how I will get through even one more day of this chaotic life but I would never, ever give them up or want to live a single day without them.

It’s funny how perfect we can make our lives seem on social media. Up until just recently, even on some of my worst days, I would post a cute photo of the boys with the caption ‘beautiful day with my babes’ and not a single person would know any different. But secretly I was lying in bed after a shitty day thinking ‘how am I going to get up and do this all over again tomorrow’.

I hope by sharing this, I can shine some light into the real life behind the pretty little squares of IG. We all have our own battles and whether we choose to share them or not doesn’t make us any different.

Being a parent is the hardest but most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life and I solemnly swear to always tell it how it is and to give you guys all of me. The good, the bad and the ugly. And in doing so, I hope you realise that you’re not alone. That we ALL have shitty days and feel like giving up. But being the super women we are, we pick ourselves up and keep on keeping on. Because these little humans of ours are the worlds greatest gift and we would give our lives for them time and time again, if we could.

sign off

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